The letter that I am including is a letter to my peer, Jiale.
The subject of this letter is his analysis essay about Amy Tan’s essay, “Mother Tongue”. In our letters we needed to first make sure that we were able to describe the argument that was being made in the student essay, and analyze whether the organization, evidence, and topic sentences of the essay benefitted the essay, or if they needed to be changed in order to most adequately demonstrate an understanding and analysis of the text being analyzed.
Jail’s argument was that language barriers can actually benefit a person, and that they don’t only need to be seen as a hindrance to one’s learning abilities.
For me it was really important to make sure that I was really able to analyze the argument of my peers, and then include examples from their own writing. In this way they would be getting some advice from their peers who might be able to see their essay in a different light. I know that I really valued the peer review sessions, so I wanted to make sure that I was doing all that I could to help my peers as well.
At one point in my letter I wrote a comment about some of the statements Jiale was making that might not have been confusing to him, but were confusing to me.
The paragraph that I noticed a lot of brief statements in, with seemingly not enough analysis was paragraph number 6. For example you state, “Tan later mentioned why so many Asian Americans pursue majors in STEM fields” but you don’t analyze why this is important, or how it relates to your major theme of culture connected to language.
Here I give a specific example of when I felt that he was not descriptive enough, and then later I go on to break down this piece of evidence so that he can understand it.
It’s easy for us to write on subjects that we know a lot about, but sometimes we forget that the people reading our papers might not be as familiar with the subject at hand as we are. I think it is important to remember to include enough detail in order to sufficiently educate your reader about the subject and also remain concise at the same time. I myself don’t know what a STEM field is, and because of that I wasn’t sure why it was important to your essay. Maybe it would help if you described that and wrote about why that is important.
I believed that it was important for me to address the problem, explain why it was a problem and then offer a solution as to how to fix the writing so that everyone reading it could comprehend what Jiale was trying to say.